I really believe most who have maybe committed certain acts do feel bad for what they have done. When researchers Reuben Lang and Roy Frenzel interviewed 52 incest and 50 pedophilic offenders, they found that the average age of child molesters is thirty-four. According to research I’ve done and reading reports by the FBI, most child molesters commit an average of 117 sex crimes before they are caught- and most child molesters are never charged, arrested or convicted. What is the truth? some ways I still miss the man I thought he was. Society will judge them a hell o a lot more of they take action on their impulses rather than seek help. Questions or concerns about the preceding article can be directed to the author or posted as a comment below. I can’t stay in the past reliving it all of the time because that does not get me anywhere. That’s the people that care about me. You have to remember that energy doesn’t die it only changes form. It is nice being able to talk to someone like you. Dr. A. Nicholas Groth, one of the leading experts on sexual victimization of children, differentiates between nonviolent child molesters … He even taught the kids about bad touches. He molested our daughters, and I found out two years ago from his sister that he had molested her when he was a teenager babysitting her. I understand the desire for revenge and feelings of anger but logic shows that responding in a way that spiritually creates more of what you don’t want is illogical. He can protect ur heart. For investigators willing to spend the time, there is a wealth of material and data available about sex offenders. But yea his whole life is in distress. I have always liked teenage boys since I was a teenager. He got help, he wanted help and he turned to the Lord. Besides, if your bf did nothing wrong, he shouldn’t worry. Could it be that the pedophilic men who were showing changes in their arousal patterns were just trying to control their genital responses, meaning that they might not be showing true change in their attractions? so think before you say know what your talking about before you talk. He was convicted of molesting his own daughter, from ages of 9-13. Nervous about girls and we literally hung out for years before either one of us made a move. That study, on which Fedoroff was an author, involved looking at 43 men who underwent genital arousal testing on two different occasions. PLEASE find help for them at least. I will pray 4 ur family and all others who face this kind of sickness. Having been abused as a child myself, I think my striving to forgive my abuser carries a little weight. Every job I have had since being released, someone has always found out and started trouble for me. Many states in the U.S. offer voluntary chemical castration in exchange for earlier release. By commenting you acknowledge acceptance of GoodTherapy.org's Terms and Conditions of Use. @Thewife… Is there life after prison? Another objection stems from the fact that the person undergoing treatment must be relied on to take their medication regularly. And that is why anger wont fix any kind of evil. Wonders if his dad will escape… Which brings me to the most difficult part. (I know this is something an ocd sufferer would never act on) Going back on topic, do you feel that the rehabilitation process was something that was helpful? With me and my “dad”… we are not a family. My dad stopped the cycle. Aversion therapy pairs an unpleasant stimulus such as an electric shock, pinch, or flick along with a pleasant stimulus. some kind of intervention has got to happen. I do understand ur distress! I know this really is not the place to talk about ocd as such but I felt that it kind of relates in terms of feeling certain urges to do things. Plus I did not want people to think I was gay because my grandmother looked inside my body everyday and told me to. Sorry me again I just wanted to add that he did his time in prison and everything else he was suppose to do. With this kind of record it is very difficult and almost impossible for these people to get jobs when they get out. He hid it very well. He has never shown any remorse or compassion for the damage he did to our daughters- in fact, he threatened me continuously and threatened our daughters, told them not to tell, or “daddy will be in jail for a really long time”, “Mommy will be really mad”, etc. We may someday find out that it is the latter, maybe even that it can be cured. I posted here 4 years ago when I found out my boyfriend had molested his daughter. I’d get new meds then get back to work for a year or so, and now it has been five years of depression and anxiety to the point I have not been able to work. Be ready to provide information about the perpetrater and the victim (or potential victim). Using mind-body therapies, hypnotherapy, energy healing, energy psychology, and transpersonal spiritual approaches is a way to get better results with treating offenders or those who have the attraction even though they haven’t acted on it so far. I think working on the little things such as trying to get on a regular sleep schedule for a start is a good idea. All rights reserved. He wrote: “Dr. WE CANNOT AFFORD TO LEAVE THEM UNAWARE & UNPROTECTED. He is begging me to forgive him and that he has been working so hard to be a better person. They do know that there is NO patient confidentiality if the therapist thinks that there is a possibility of the patient harming someone or committing a crime. I divorced him while he was in prison because I knew if I tried when he was out, I would be dead before he would allow that to happen. They have a low recidivism rate. If we really have any sympathy for our children and our future children we will care to solve the problem, ask the questions “where does this desire, behavior originate?”. It's quick and simple: put a bullet in their head. Discovering that a convicted sex offender is living nearby can stir a range of feelings – fear, anger, lack of safety, loss of control. I felt as if we were dating and that I was in love. It haunts me to the point of depression several times a week. The truth was I was at a lads sisters house that I met on a drink drive awareness course, went out for the night and got so intoxicated that I knew nothing of walking back to the house and the next memory was waking up in the sisters daughters bed with everyone furious. He is looking forward to getting help. If this is what he really is to the core then how are you ever really going to change that? Thanks for posting Believe16 as that can be very hard to talk about. You can search for a therapist in your area by entering your ZIP code here: https://www.goodtherapy.org/find-therapist.html, If you feel that your thoughts may manifest as actions, please contact local law enforcement or visit your local emergency room. Granted, very sick people. Heard many stories and most go unreported. Yes, they can be cured. That’s the stupidest thing anybody has said about child molestors in a while comparing them to bank robbers. Why do I feel this way? From my perspective, there are far more deserving people who could use some free therapy then these guys who use kids and then throw them away. Based on information provided, the intake specialist/social worker will determine whether or not a case will be opened. You were mentioning that you are finding it hard to forgive yourself, Would you say that this is causing you a lot stress, maybe it gets to a time we have to start forgiving ourself, treating ourselves with a little compassion. There really are many things you can … Often, just having more information can diminish those feelings. It can be difficult if we are switching therapists, I know that sometimes it’s something that has to happen from time to time due to many reasons. I mean 4 him to be rehabilitated. This is why I do not think pedophiles and child molesters can be reformed. The only Real way to cure a pedophile and child molester is death. If I could ask you this question, Do you feel as if society has accepted you back so to say, sorry if I’m not making much sense there. https://www.goodtherapy.org/in-crisis.html, If you would like to review some information about therapist/client confidentiality, you can review our page on the topic here: So the life of a registered sexoffender is no life. Greyman, I hope u can find a friend that understands ur issues. I tend to feel the more that we stay in the house, the more time we have with our mind which might not be a good thing. I guess you feel guilty because you never thought you’d be in this position before. So our children are safe. I told him especially then he should know better. Retrieved from http://www.thedailybeast.com/articles/2011/12/06/what-science-reveals-about-pedophilia.html. I hate what you went through. we r going to be in theropy 4 years to come. My sort of thoughts are harm related where my mind could be taunting me to do bad things. Please respond! This will not be a gerauntee or a for sure fix. I went through major periods of anger, shame, etc. It has been so bad that I have not been able to work for the past five years. My son was molested by my brother, and no one believed me. In addition; my father was a child of rape, meaning his mother was raped and he was the product of that rape. Where did I get my information? Many people who are attracted to children are horrified and frightened by their preferences and attempt to do everything they can to keep from harming a child. From this list you can click to view our members’ full profiles and contact the therapists themselves for more information. If they take him back I’d feel very betrayed. Would you say that it was metal illness that caused you to commit the act? One slip and I could descend again. I did not deserve a second chance but I got one, and I am not going to blow it. The GoodTherapy.org Team. She finally died in 2001 and God made a way for me to go see my dad and apologize to him for blaming him but I was scared of her not him. It does help to talk about it, but it makes people too uncomfortable. As for the rest of society (or the majority of it), they would rather see me locked up forever or dead. Yes. All I could do was keep him away. I don’t want look at child porn again . Who has died for ur sins and is alive in heaven. Please fill out all required fields to submit your message. I am angry at him and can’t look at him the same way. I have extreme guilt and remorse for what I have done. But I think that for most of us who can in no way ever understand or condone this behavior it is so hard to rationalize even trying this. No man is worth more than your children. And WILL go on with the investigation! Similarly, he points to studies showing that sex offenders in general tend to lose their risk of reoffending over time, which he takes as evidence that their sexual interests are changing. We met when we were 15…both worked at a grocery store.. he was shy. At first Hate and very ashamed to admit I even cared about the monster I once loved dearly. He was never a good father! People who side with child molester are mol;esters themselves feeling any remorse or forgiveness for them make you one of them.Therpist are responsible for continued molestations and all molesters should be locked up in jail where they arre no harm to anyone. We cited over the phone While I was trapped in Germany for xmas and he divulged things to me that happened to him as a child (molested by his sister and his father)…While I am still incredibly mortified by everything….I believe that it is a combination of nature and nurture…I believe that he is very scared of spending the rest of his life and prison and scared that this will define him the rest of his life…it probably will. I still do not know how he truly feels or thinks about the whole story of his life. At court at the trial it was made apparent that DNA disintegrates in urine, at court I told them my first recorded interview was down to the duty solicors advice, then the court was alleging I was changing my story to fit the evidence. I have been trying to get further help since than its absolutely not there and that is why we cant be rehabilitated because its not offered I see a counselor every two weeks before every month. I’ve tried seeing other therapist in the past, but was unable to find a therapist that seemed to care or that I felt able to open up. I am very proud of my son 4 coming forward about this. So far, there’s only one published study offering any support for this idea. I was horrified at first too but I know that he wasn’t that monster society put him out to be. Some states, such as California, mandate castration for offenders with multiple convictions as a condition of release. by Justin Lehmiller, PhD. I feel mossy terrible about not exposing him and stopping his addiction. I did not know at the time that the State of California suspected him of sexually abusing our daughter M., who was 4-5 at the time. Most of these people have mental disorders and let me tell you prison is NOT the answer! My father was a child molester. Justin Lehmiller, PhD is a Research Fellow at The Kinsey Institute and author of the blog Sex and Psychology. But psychologists around the world who have dedicated their careers to studying and treating sexually abusive behaviours have discovered over decades of research that we are only partly right. by Name Undisclosed. When I was convicted, the state got $20000 in federal grant for “monitoring and supervision” expenses. With the VA I have to use who they give me, or stop seeing the therapist until I can see a new one. All of the men showed a pedophilic arousal pattern at the first testing period, meaning they were turned on by the stories of children. My husband needs help!!! Our Judicial system is a terrifying unfunny joke! It’s like he has the nerve to think we would just let him back in our lives! But I know the man who raised me was a good and hard working man. Retrieved from http://www.bostonmagazine.com/news/article/2014/02/25/chemical-castration, Schwartz, C. (2011, December 7). This was years before he met me and we married and had children. 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